My husband and I both started working from home full-time in March 2020, at the same time as so many others. It was a huge adjustment for us because we’d been working from our separate company offices for 10 years. Until working from home became our forced reality, we had no plans to make a switch to our job setup. I assumed we’d have a similar arrangement of both going to 9-to-5s in our individual locations throughout our careers.
In the five years since we left our cubicles, working remotely has gone from being a massive life shift for us to just our regular, mundane, everyday scenario. At first I was worried about what challenges we would face at our home offices. Now, I’ve come to appreciate it and think the pros outweigh the cons.
What are the benefits of two parents working from home?
We can share more household duties
Since we are home, we can split chores and parenting tasks more easily. We have a more similar burden on our time because we don’t have to weigh if one commute is longer than the other or if someone has more expected office hours than the other. Previously, I had a shorter commute and more flexible office hours, so I handled a lot of the tasks that came up during the weekday. Now, I’m able to share many of those tasks that I used to handle on my own. With my freed-up bits of time from not having to handle most drop-offs, pick-ups, and midday appointments, I can use the gym or meet a friend for lunch.
We can spend more time together as a couple
My husband and I used to briefly see each other amidst the morning routine chaos, and then we wouldn’t see each other until dinnertime. Now, since our kids are both in school and daycare during the day, we’re able to go on lunch dates or walks just the two of us. For our situation, that’s been great since we don’t have family close enough nearby to watch the kids on a regular basis, and paying for a babysitter is difficult when we already spend so much money on childcare.
We can spend more time together as a family
Since our house is much closer to the elementary school than our offices were, now we’re both able to attend most school events and meetings during the day. Our daughter loves seeing us both show up to things like school concerts and field trips together. On no-school days, we can sometimes sneak away for a fun family activity.
What are the drawbacks to having two work-from-home parents?
Some of the biggest benefits of us both being remote workers are also some of the most difficult aspects.
Sharing more household duties doesn’t always go as planned
On paper, we can share household and parenting duties down the middle based on our setup. However, that’s not always the reality. I still find myself carrying the majority of the mental load and, hence, doing the majority of the domestic labor. Though we have a more equitable work situation, we still haven’t shaken the stereotypical roles we often fall into.
As the mom, I still find myself absorbing the chaos throughout the day and making it all manageable. With two parents working from home all the time, the house can get messy, and I’m usually the one staying on top of keeping it as tidy as possible while handling the midday interruptions like deliveries and service appointments. It can lead to some resentment to see someone also home while you’re still doing more than half of the daily work.
“It can lead to some resentment to see someone also home while you’re still doing more than half of the daily work.”
Our remote work lifestyle started simultaneously with the remote schooling expectations of 2020, and I found myself handling nearly that entire task alongside my full-time job. It just kind of happened. And I’ve learned it’s really hard to break free from our usual patterns.
More time together can be too much time together
We now occupy the same physical location nearly all of the time. As anyone knows, being around the same person too much can sometimes lead to friction. Usually, we don’t get irritated with each other, but sometimes at the end of a long week of work and parenting, we are on edge. I also sometimes miss the family dinner table catch-up about each other’s days. Now, we don’t have a reason for those conversations because we were both around for most of each other’s day, so we have nothing to catch up on!
Our house has some space issues
We moved into our house in early 2019, before the pandemic was something we could have ever fathomed. Our house has one office space that our intention was to share on the random times one of us was home for the day. We were OK buying a house that didn’t have two office spaces at the time because we didn’t need it and didn’t think we would. But we still live in this house despite not really having adequate space for us both. We overall like our home and like our neighborhood, so we aren’t looking to move. I’m in the open space on our first level instead of in a dedicated office space. When my kids are home from school on a workday, it’s not ideal to be in the spot with the most foot traffic, especially since I am on a lot of virtual meetings.
How I handle the difficult aspects of both parents working from home
Over the years, we’ve found ways to tackle some of the more challenging aspects of our setup. It’s all boiled down to making sure we have strong communication about our expectations for each other and our boundaries.
Setting expectations
It’s easy to fall into old patterns. I’ve historically handled most of the one-off tasks with our children, like midday doctor appointments and school meetings. We’ve made a concerted effort to ensure we’re handling these tasks more equitably since we both can be available to handle them. Just because I can do it doesn’t mean I always should.
If you haven’t heard of the ‘Fair Play’ method, I can’t recommend it enough. Reading the Fair Play book literally changed my life for the better. It gave my husband and me a framework to use for splitting tasks equitably. Though we aren’t always perfect with it, and we still have work to do toward equally managing the house, we are in a much better spot than before. We periodically check in to make sure we both feel supported and make sure the distribution of tasks we are handling still makes sense and seems fair.
Setting boundaries
Now that remote work is our permanent norm instead of just a temporary setup, we’ve made sure to set clear boundaries during the workday. We treat it like an office as much as possible and try to treat each other like colleagues instead of spouses while we’re both working. I wouldn’t interrupt a coworker at their computer to ask them an unimportant question so I don’t do it to my husband either. And he does the same.
“I wouldn’t interrupt a coworker at their computer to ask them an unimportant question so I don’t do it to my husband either.”
There are a lot of communication tools worth trying to help two people with different schedules stay in sync, like the Skylight calendar. Finding a specific organizational method to manage your two different calendars can prevent getting in each other’s way.
Like with anything else in a relationship, good communication is the biggest game changer. With the right amount of respect, understanding, and patience for each other, having both parents working remotely can really be a strong benefit for a family.